Do You Even Chaco Tan, Bro?

Welcome to summer, a.k.a. chaco tan season. Time to get off that couch and get those sweet sandal tan muscles a-flexin’, folks.

It’s time to commit. I mean really commit. Wear those sandals all day everyday. I consider my chacos my hiking shoes, walking shoes, around the town shoes, working shoes, water shoes, approach shoes, fancy dress shoes AND formal occasion shoes. True chaco tanners know that this is the level of commitment it takes to truly get those z-lines going.

And let’s not beat around the bush. The z-line is the most important part. It’s the look. Don’t give me this “Teva’s are just as good,” silliness. Chacos are where its at. Chaco doesn’t even pay me to tell you these things, but the true of heart know that the only way to get the sandal tan is via chacos. (In a break to reality, I got my chacos on mega clearance and hope that they will outlive me and whatever sandals you have are just great, yay!) But also, folks at Chaco….if you’re reading this….call me.

Are you ready to spend every waking moment in the sunlight? What about the moonlight? You’d better be marking down those full moon nights on your calendar because there is not one ounce of sunlight to spare in a chaco tan summer. I don’t care if moon burn isn’t physically possible. If there is light from the sun reaching earth you had better put your feet under it.

How far are you willing to go to get the deepest, deadliest foot tan you can? How do sun hives sound to you? Children stepping on your exposed feet? Breaking off your toenail on some pavement? Are you ready and willing to quit your inside office job for the sake of committing to the chaco tan? Check. Check. Check and check. Get at me. Sun hives. On my feet. Don’t try this at home, kids- oh wait, you can’t because you can’t spend your days inside to get a chaco tan.

So put away those conservative, safe, close-toed shoes. Stash your sunscreen that’s most likely expired anyway back into your bathroom closet. Who ever heard of putting sunscreen on your feet? Forget about the rules of fashion and decorum and strap those sandals on. Never take them off.  If you live in a place that has rainy summer, consider moving to a more sol-full environment (*wiiink*). Do anything it takes to be able to take your shoes off at your friend’s birthday dinner (at which everyone is dressed nicely) and proudly display a summer’s worth of hard tanning work. Everyone will be so impressed and envious. Be sure to berate your fellows into comparing tans so you can show off how much deeper and more defined the z’s of your tan are and the fact that you get to work outside all day. Then maybe backoff so you can keep your friends around for another few years.

Better yet, get your friends to come outside with you so that you can get sandal tanned together. You might even get to appreciate the nature for a moment.

Cheers,

Molly


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